1.) I am self-conscious. Yup that's me. Even though I might seem different in person or here I'm extremely self-conscious. I'm always worried about what people think of me. (In fact this has been a probably the most major factor in worrying about my roommate. I'm not thinking will she be a crazy murderer or a nudist or do things I hate, I'm worried she won't like me.) I'm very self-deprecating. It's not that I want to be, I'd love to love myself, that sounds weird but I think you get what I mean. Anyway, I just don't. Being a woman it has the most, probably all, to do with my appearance. Which brings us to:
2.) I could afford to lose a few pounds. There are some other things I don't particularly like about myself and wish I could change but I won't get into all that.
3.) I've never been in a relationship. So I went to a private school, and we didn't have a great selection, at all. It was super small in fact. Even the "hot" guys, well they weren't that hot. But they sure thought a lot about themselves, the real world may be brutal to them. Anyway, I never attended any sports things or anything to meet other guys. So while some girls went out and did that I didn't and have never been in a relationship. That doesn't bother me to much but it does that I have basically no experience and I wonder who would want someone like that? No on wanted me in high school, but then again, no one wanted about half the girls there. *Again girls outnumbered the guys pretty good* Still, sometimes you wonder, how did that girl get a guy and not me. We even had some, "how the hell did that girl get that hot guy and I can't find anyone?". (Those girls just weren't the most outwardly attractive.) Basically that also has made me very self-conscious. Not just about college but life to, sometimes I wonder will I ever find someone anyone? The thing is though, is that I'm not one to settle. Plenty of girls did that at my high school and I'm just not willing. However it will look pretty pathetic if I don't ever find some people.
4.) Making Friends. I think there are six people, including me, who will be going to my college. That's a kind of a lot since we're all out of state and from such a small high school. (Not super small about 800-1,000, could have been smaller) Anyway that's scary, especially since I know at least four of them are not in my dorm, it'd be nice to know someone for the whole dorm/floor get together things during orientation week.
5.) Roommate. Living with a stranger, whom I have yet to call or receive a call from. I will get to it if she doesn't call me. Right now it's probably the maybe she'll call me first thing, at least on my side. Anyway living with a complete stranger is scary. As said before, I don't know if she'll like me. Or if I'll like her. Best case scenario being we become lifetime friends. Hopefully at the least we'll get along and be friends, or somewhat friends.
I'm sure this is something that everyone goes through, at least one of these points anyway. But since my friends are all gone on vacation and at camps and stuff I haven't had anyone to talk to so I've been feeling pretty lonely about this, at least until they get back.
*Sorry quick break to eat then sucked into an episode of Criminal Minds, and I don't want to re-read just to make a smooth transition so it may be a little choppy*
So for the second part of this post. The parents. Now I'm all for my parents sharing this experience with me, as I'm the first to go to college but they need to back off a little. I swear they are just going nuts. What really is making me a little angry, and why I had to write this post, was that they keep buying stuff without me. Now I know my mom wants to save money, and I have expensive tastes, but I wouldn't go crazy or anything. I really appreciate that they're helping me out with this and not making me buy everything myself. Still though, I'd really like to be included in MY life. They're not going to be the ones who are living in my dorm at college, they don't have to live with THEIR choices I DO! So basically I've told them to stop buying stuff but of course, it falls on deaf ears, that or I get yelled at because they manage to turn it around on me. The only thing I have chosen so far were my towels and washcloths as well as my comforter. They got me a fridge and microwave, a mirror, some storage stuff (which isn't going to work because of how the closet is set up), and other little miscellaneous stuff that I would have liked to buy. At my age, it's all about the looks and then the function. To my parents it's what's cheapest and functional. Not to mention that I would like the college experience of going to the store, with them, and buying the stuff myself. They always go to the store for them and there home projects and come home with stuff for me, not telling me they're even looking, or inviting me to come. I swear that basically they're going to buy everything, pack it all up, move it all in, set it up the way they want it, and basically my job is just to show up on moving date to be dropped off. It's making me so frustrated.
I also think that there's more stuff I need to get but they don't think so. My mom is on a business trip right now but when she gets back I'm going to talk to her about it, and hopefully we'll get it all worked out so I'm not just a bystander in the whole college process but actually making decisions for myself, that I have to live with, at least for a year.
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